New Legs Jokes

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs Nice tits

What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?

Geo dude.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

What do you call a Mexican with one leg?

Border hopper.

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?

Hanson.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"