What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
What do you call a pedo with no legs? A creepy crawly.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
Why can't a girl with no legs play soccer? Because she's a girl.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?
Home base.
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
