Left jokes

In a bowl of golden delight, I savored each bite so bright, The potato salad, oh so fine, Left me feeling oh so divine.

The diced potatoes, oh so neat, In a dressing so cool and sweet, With onions and eggs, a treat, My taste buds did dance and greet.

The mayonnaise, a creamy dream, With mustard's zesty scheme, Together they did blend so well, My senses did take a spell.

The herbs, a fragrant delight, Added flavor with their might, Parsley and dill, a perfect pair, In this salad beyond compare.

So here's to the potato salad, A culinary work of art, That left me full and satisfied, And in my heart, a special part.

"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"

"Her miscarriage."

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,

"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"

She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.

And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?

A doggone catastrophe!

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.

"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."

-Mully- This is my mom left!!

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Person 1: How smart are you?

Person 2: Really smart.

Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?

Person 2: 1 ghost is left.

Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!

Yo mama so gay that she made left and right turn straight.

My dad left me.

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?

An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.

Why did the computer catch cold?

It left a window open.