Left Jokes

I left Twitter for a while and when I tried to log back in I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter. Sadly my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt, shame on you Penaldo!

Are you guys alright ? if you answered yes then you are wrong You are all LEFT kill meh (This joke was taken from dat none funny b*tch on britains got talent)

My wife left me yesterday. I haven't Talked to the kids in a year

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.

'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.

And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'

To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'

To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'

my mom left me at a very young age

what is the differ-ens be tween u and me i have parents and yours left..

Chess board White: right Black: left Yellow: invading

Why did the adpaded kid eat the last cookie because he was the only one left to adopt everyone hated him

I take debt 25000 euro,i spend in charity 20,000,and 5000 euro left,i pay the debt 2000 euro and i have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank,and 3000 euro i have in profit,23,000 +3000>>26000 ;)

Little Johnny walked to his parents room, they were having sex and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was soo, he said “What are y’all doing?” The parents replied “Umm, r-rapping presents!” . Little Johnny said “ok.” and then left. In the morning Little Johnny opened his presents, his parents said “This one is from Santa!” Little Johnny said “No it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents.” The parents said “Ohh fuck” Little Johnny replied “What mommy and daddy?” They replied “Oh nothing!” “Oh ok.” Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dads ears “At least he doesn’t know the truth.” Little Johnny said “What truth.”

what did they poo say to the ass i left you

Three copycats on a boat 1 jumps off how many are left? 0 cause they’re copycats

A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world." On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme. When he got back to put the thyme away he relized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing it was just a big waste of your thyme.

There are 4 people on a airplane and the pilot has a heart attack and dies the plane is going down and there are also only 3 parachutes so the guy who knows how to cure cancer says I’m jumping I can save many lives the the 46 president joe Biden says I’m take ing the 2 one so there is only one left Donald trump says to the 7 year old girl I have lived a long life u an take the next one so the little girl says that’s ok the 46 president took my back pack.lol

On my 21st Birthday my mom told me I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child your going to to get something good and something you been looking forward to is what my mom said. Me my mom and my on;y friend celebrate my Birthday then we all went to sleep I woke up the next day I ask hey where my gift you said you got me. My mom said since your father left us you have have no father figure in your life. So this is your new step father the only thing it was my only friend.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if your dumb, no one did so she said “ comon someone must be dumb” and pointed over to the left side of the class room , lil Jonny stands up , “do you think ur dumb ,lil Jonny ?” Asked the teacher ,”no I just feel bad for you , your the only one who who’s stood up “ replied lil Jonny!