Left jokes

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."

And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...

On the floor.

And died.

The end.

Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts make a right.

What did the left butt cheek say to the right?

"Trump 2020."

In a bowl of golden delight, I savored each bite so bright, The potato salad, oh so fine, Left me feeling oh so divine.

The diced potatoes, oh so neat, In a dressing so cool and sweet, With onions and eggs, a treat, My taste buds did dance and greet.

The mayonnaise, a creamy dream, With mustard's zesty scheme, Together they did blend so well, My senses did take a spell.

The herbs, a fragrant delight, Added flavor with their might, Parsley and dill, a perfect pair, In this salad beyond compare.

So here's to the potato salad, A culinary work of art, That left me full and satisfied, And in my heart, a special part.

Is it far enough? We publish interviews with people who know a lot about real wars.

Peace: On one case, that's true, but violence is the slogan for it.

Socialism: Yes, morning and evening. So the Sorce Streftator's work must be stopped!

Maoist: Yes, I like Walken Engspert.

Anarchist: Claire, this is why we don't need democracy, I'm Das Zoe Melsen.

Capitalism: Yes, but the truth is that he is ignorant and cannot be considered as an old leader, but as an employee.

Governor: Yes, but a strong left should be as strong as Minister Janomen Vardan or Director Januso Gavrelic.

Patriots: Are there simple megalithic laws?

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"

"Her miscarriage."

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,

"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"

She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.

And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"

Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.

What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?

An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.

My dad left me.

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

Yo mama so gay that she made left and right turn straight.