What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone Catastrophe
Doctor:I’m so srry sir but u only have a couple months left The sir:my children will be devastated Doctor:but I have a shot that can change that The sir:wat ever it takes Suppressed gunshots
Why cant orphans go to parents evening because there parents left them
Yo mama is so stupid, when she went took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left”, she went home.
-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt if I blame it on my friends it wont be my fault. -Mully- This is my mom left!!
Person 1: How smart are you? Person 2: Really smart Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2 how many are left? Person 2: 1 ghost is left Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!!!
I was watching a tv show where a guy was hanging off a cliff then the series ended...guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliff hanger
my dad left me
what is stephen hawkings favourite food .. his left shoulder
My wife left a note on the fridge, the note read "It's not working" I don't know what she's talking about, I opened the fridge and it worked fine!
What do you call a octupus whos father left octobyeyo
What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the fuck out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels fucking weird when I go and take a piss.
There was a dude. He had a mondo dong. His wife was like, yo, where are your balls? The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies "i knew those meatballs tasted weird!"
Look at your left hand now look at your right hand an tell your self what hand do you cheat with !
WANKING
nook nook whose ther you're you're who you're parents left you
A man was almost about to drown. A boat say "Do u need help?" And he said no. After the boat left, another boat came to the sea. And they asked if he needed help. And he said no. And he asked God "Why didn't u help me?" God said "I sended u 2 big boats, you dummy!
roses are red violets are blue it's really no wonder your mama left you
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when i got out i noticed he was left for bread, i felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"
