Left jokes

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.

Why did the caretaker of the Twin Towers get sacked?

He left the landing lights on.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

You're so skinny the world turns to the left!

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

What is brown and sticky?

The leftovers of the iceberg.

What is Stephen Hawking's best side?

The left.

I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.