Least jokes

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

What is an orphan's least favorite song? We Are Family.

What's an orphan's least favorite T.V. show?

Family Guy.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

Q. What's a 9/11 survivor's least favorite bagel? A. Plain.

Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance.

What is a Mexican's least favorite type of water?

I.C.E. water.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked at least.

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

What's an orphan's least favorite store to go to?

Home Depot.

Friend, you so faaaat.

Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

Orphan: I fucked your mom.

Kid: At least mine survived from it.

What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?

At least a Christian kneels in church.

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

What was Stephen Hawking's least favorite invention? The walkie-talkie.