Least jokes
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
What movie does an orphan hate?
- No Way Home.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Honestly
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
What was Stephen Hawking's least favorite invention? The walkie-talkie.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
"Full House."
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
Why do orphans hate Batman the movie?
Because at least he gets noticed by people, and also he stole their life story!
Q: What kind of building weighs the least?
A: A lighthouse!
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?
Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.
Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?
Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.
Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!