Lazy jokes
1. What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-bony.
2. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
3. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had nobody to dance with.
4. What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
5. What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
6. Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
7. What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
8. Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
9. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
10. How do French skeletons say hello?
“Bone-jour!”
11. What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
12. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
13. What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
“You’re dead to me.”
14. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
15. Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
16. Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
17. What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
“Will you marrow me?”
18. When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
19. What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
20. Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
21. What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
22. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
23. Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
24. What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire too long?
He became bone dry.
25. What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
26. What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
27. What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
28. What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
29. What does a skeleton fly in if his scare-plane isn’t available?
A skele-copter.
30. What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
“Bone voyage!”
31. What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
32. What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
33. Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
34. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
35. What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
36. What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
37. Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
38. Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
39. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
“You suck.”
40. Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
41. What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
“Looks like you are running a femur.”
42. What’s a skeleton’s favorite rock band?
The Grateful Dead.
43. What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
44. What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
45. Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
46. What is half the diameter of a skeletal circle?
The radius.
47. Why did the skeleton student stay late at school?
He was boning up for his exam.
48. What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
49. What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
50. What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
51. Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
52. How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
53. What Spanish food do skeletons enjoy most?
Patella.
54. What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
“I’m bone to be wild!”
55. Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
56. What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
57. What did the skeleton say to his wife?
“I love every bone in your body.”
58. What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
59. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
60. How did skeletons send mail back in the olden days?
The Bony Express.
61. How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
62. What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
63. What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
64. Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
65. Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
66. Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
67. Why can’t skeletons fly over Area 51?
It’s a no-fly bone.
68. What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow mac
I am so disappointed in this race.
Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.
Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".
Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?
Sans: What do you call them?
Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!
Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.
Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.