Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
My friend jokingly confessed to me she did prostitution (consensual).
She wasn't joking. :0
We are 15....
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
