What does a cop say when they shoot ginger? Orange is the new black
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
2023- my dad is a cop.
1800- my dad owns your dad.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.
what do you call an autistic police officer? special forces
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
