Law Enforcement jokes
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says β911, what's your emergency?β The hunter replies βMy son just passed out and I donβt know what to do! I think he might be dead!β The emergency responder replies βBefore you do anything, make sure he is dead.β The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says βOk, now what?β
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
The best part about Poland π΅π± is that the police lights are different.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just canβt help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Hereβs your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: Thatβs not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: Thatβs it, little baby Jimmy, Iβm giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please donβt hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: Iβm secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
What do orphans and police not have in common?
The police can actually go home.
Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"