Laughter jokes
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody finds that one funny.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
These aren't funny.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.