Laughter jokes
I’d tell you a Chinese joke, but it’s wong.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
These aren't funny.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.