Laughter jokes
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
These aren't funny.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.