Laughter jokes

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Helen Keller walked into a bar.

Then a table.

Then a chair.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.

Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.