I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, baby!
The person that created the knock knock joke won the Nobel reward.
All these jokes make me laugh to death š.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
My fucking life, cya.
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.
We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.
As Iām lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This wonāt last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
Angel: No. She didnāt twitch.
Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.
Angel: Well, even if it did, itās her thigh the techs are aiming at.
Devil: She wants to scratch her face.
Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesnāt need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliverās smile...
Devil: How about a song?
Angel: Good idea!
Devil: How about... āNever going to give you up. Never going to let you down....āš¶
Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! Sheās in the middle of a treatment! You know thatās the only part she knows!
Devil: Thatās okay. Sheāll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
Angel: Donāt be so mean!
Devil: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā
Angel: Stop it!
Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
Angel: No, she didnāt.
Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
Angel: She didnāt screw anything up!
Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
Angel: Thatās not how it works...
Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor wonāt get enough radiation.
Angel: They know what they are doing!
Devil: ...And it wonāt shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
Angel: No! No! No! Thatās not how any of this...
Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
Angel: Stop this right now!!
Devil: āNever going to give you up....š¶ā
Angel: Stop!
Devil: ā...never going let you down....š¶ā
Angel: Iām not going to let you...
Devil: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā
Techs: Okay. Thatās it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, Iām fine.....
I bought a guh on the weekend.
(what's a guh?)
GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! š„ š© š°
What's the one upside to being an orphan?
You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.
"Hee hee touched me."
Do you know candice
Candice balls fit in yo mouth
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
