Last jokes
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"