I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyyđ
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesnât last long for fat people.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
Why donât old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I canât remember the last time I ate a monkey.
