Language jokes
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.