Language jokes

Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?

A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.

What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Spell.

Spell who?

W. H. O.

Say "invented" without the first "n".

What song genre do the national anthems fit into?

Country.

What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.

What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

In Portuguese, "Trumpa" means bullshit.

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?

All these jokes are pen-ful to read.

What do you call a retreat in war?

A backup plan.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"