Language jokes

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is, I hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American website, please speak English, and I don’t speak whatever European language that is.😊

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.

French jab is ban French's backwards.

What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!

Say: "eye"

Spell: map

Then say: "enis."

Did you know the F in orphan stands for family?

(There is no F in orphan.)

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

Does this sentence make any sense?

What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?

Legs.

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?