Knowledge jokes

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?

In the mooseum.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don't.