Know jokes

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

Did you know cannibals ate KFC?

Kentucky Fried Children.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.

Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?

I’m gay.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is!

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?

The dog lead went slack.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

You know what’s impossible?

Steven Walking.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.