Know jokes
Me: I know a good 9/11 joke, but it would probably go over your head.
The Twin Towers: No, it won’t.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Memes
You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!
Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
What did the plane say to the twin towers?
"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
Why can't orphanages play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Your hairline is so far back that I didn’t know you had a hairline.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
I know you came here to feel good about yourself...
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.