Know jokes
Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Neither did she.
Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?
Friend: Don’t know?
Me: U STUPID!
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!