Know jokes
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
Chuck Norris is...
What? You don't need to know what he is. He's just, Chuck.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Man's got that big bati, you know.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."