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Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.

The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"

One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

  • 1

    • My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.

    How many babies does it take to light up a basement?

    I don't know, my basement is still dark.

    What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

  • 7

    • You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

    We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

    So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

    Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!

    How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

    I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

    Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

    Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol

    So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

  • 5

    • These are all of my terrible jokes.

    Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

    A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

    Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

    I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

    A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

    A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

    Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

    What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

    A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

    What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

    A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

    I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

    A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

    Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

    What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

    What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

    Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

    Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

    There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

    I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

    Knock, knock...

    Who's there?

    I don't know?!?

    What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

    An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."

    A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"

    The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"