Know jokes

You know what’s odd?

Every other number.

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?

Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.

Hi, what's your name?

I don't know, I'm disabled.

Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?

What makes a joke a dad joke?

I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

When Chuck Norris was asked, "Do you know the way?" he replied, "I am the way!"

So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?

They were always using pyramid schemes!

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.