Kids jokes
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when kids get it.
What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.