Kids jokes

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when kids get it.

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”

That one kid putting Joe: -_-

Teacher: Who’s Joe?

The whole class: JOE MAMA!

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.

When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

What is the difference between a tree and a school?

A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.

This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

Americans: Miles per hour.

Europeans: Bullets per kid...