Kid Jokes

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:

TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."

Smart kid!

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?

The Parkland kids.

As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.

My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."

The image shows a father and son sitting at a table in a restaurant. The father is looking at his son with a smile, and the son is looking back at his father with a slight smile. There is also a plate of food and a glass on the table. Above the image it says, "Waiter: Kids under 12 eat for free" and "Dad: My son wants 4 large Pizzas and one water for me".

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.

How do two emo kids greet each other?

"I like ya cut, G."

Which one fell first?

The depressed kid or the feather? Look at 1st comment to see answer.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

What do you call a white kid who kills another?

Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."