Kid jokes
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
What did the dumb kid call ratios?
A type of cereal.
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What did one terrorist say to their kid?
“Here comes the airplane!” “Here comes the other one!”
A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.