I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5Β° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5Β° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5Β° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
Whatβs the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, βYouβll be next!β They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
My sister keeps cursing... so I made fun of her... "fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk", fowl language is for chickens!
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
