Joke jokes
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Want to hear a joke, huh?
Me........
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!