Joke jokes
What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
Have they tried switching him off and on again?
We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
What bathroom does a trumpet go to?
The brass room...
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
A joke: my life, hahahahaha! Wait, it's not funny.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.