Joke jokes
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?
Nothing.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"