Joke jokes
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?
Nothing.
I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
A suicide squad.
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
I saw a little boy begging for money.
I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents!"
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
Why was the stadium so cold?
Because of all its fans!
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)