Joke jokes

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.

Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D

If you're bored, punch an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

What do you call people who jumped in the dam?

A dam fool.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

What do you call a white kid at the back of class?

A school shooter.

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

Was your dad a pilot? Because I rate you a 9/11.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?

Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!

What did the ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean? Answer: Nothing, they just waved.

What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?

You fix both with a coat hanger.