Joke jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
How is sex like air?
Itβs not a big deal unless you arenβt getting any.
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Why was the entire population emo in the 1920s?
Because it was the Great Depression.
I once read a book on antigravity, it was impossible to put down.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator π
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family portrait.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his parents.
Oasis, am I right?
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
Whatβs a lungβs favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
What do you call an orphan that takes a selfie?
A family portrait.