Joke jokes
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a chair, then a table.
What did the dentist say to the butt?
"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.