Joke jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

Why was the sheep arrested?

Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.

What did the dirt say to the embers?

You look smoking hot.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because it felt crummy.

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.

What do you call a stoner when horny?

A weed whacker!

What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.

How do you count cows with a cowculator?

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.