Joke jokes
What do you call a tall terrorist?
Osama Bin Laden.
What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?
I'm ta ping it, some ting won.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Girl: I’m so in love with you!
Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.
Girl: What’s the ijk?
Boy: I’m just kidding.
Why are you wearing a cap? Oh, I know, to cover your hairline!
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
What do you call a group of emos about to jump off a bridge? Suicide Squad.
What type of flower does an orphan use?
Self-raising flour.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?
Wendy's?
Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?
Sans: What do you call them?
Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!
The Earth was flat once. 'Til yo mama got buried.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)
That's it, it wasn't a joke.
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.
They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.