Joke jokes

Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.

What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?

No seriously, what is it?

These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.

What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.

Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆

What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?

A Double Manhattan.

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

What do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk.

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

What do you call a train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train.

Oh man, I'm depressed.

What do you call depressed Sesame Street?

Emo's World.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalottapuss.

Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?

The punchline isn’t apparent.

Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

Teacher: Describe a penguin.

Student: Black, white, beak.

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them.