Joke jokes
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke."
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
What do you call depressed Sesame Street?
Emo's World.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.