Joke jokes

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, cause they'll screw anything.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.