Joke jokes

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"

What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?

A minor.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."

Orphan: "How?"

Kid: "You wouldn't know."

Orphan: "........."

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

What do you call Adolf Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.