Joke jokes
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent’s signature.
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.