Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.
Joke Jokes
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think, "Well, better luck next time."
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What does FNAF stand for? Five Nasty Ass Fools.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Stop doing these orphan jokes, please, Rob.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
