Joke jokes
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?
Because they don't have a family to go with.
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
What do you call expired milk?
The Milky Way.
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."