Joke jokes
My sad ass life.
"Sike, I lied, your dick is dry."
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...
Me: Knock Knock
Her:
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it’s a family company.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
She blew on it, and it went hard.
Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.