Joke jokes
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...
Me: Knock Knock
Her:
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it’s a family company.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
She blew on it, and it went hard.
Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.