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Joke

Joke jokes

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

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    • Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

    What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

    A: Garry Glitter's boots.

    What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

    The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

    ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

    Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

    Get your mind out of the gutter.

    I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

    Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

    How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.

    Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."

    You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

    I wrote a few jokes:

    What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

    Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

    What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

    If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

    Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

    A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).