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What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?

Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.

Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.

Me: Okay, so an Asian...

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

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    • Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

    What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

    A: Garry Glitter's boots.

    What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

    The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

    ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

    Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

    Get your mind out of the gutter.