Jesus Jokes

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

Which company likes Jesus the most?

IHS Markit!

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

What is Jesus' favorite gun?

A nail gun.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Jesus.

Jesus who?

Jesus Christ, open the door!

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

What's the difference between a priest and a zit?

A: One waits until you're twelve to cum on your face.

What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?

CrossFit.

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇