Jesus jokes
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Why did Jesus play football?
He was Spanish, ayo.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
I'm gonna finally put a stop to the fucking drama. I saw people bullying other people for years; Gwen was not the only one. No longer will I put up with this. No longer will newcomers. For God's sake, just do jokes! Please! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don’t even know each other, but we're still going through this same fucking shit every fucking day! Just make jokes, people! That is why it’s called “Worst Jokes ever” not “Bully people forever.” So shut the hell up and get to joking! Jesus! The only reason why I came here was to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don’t even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fucking world!!!
“Addison, fuck off already, you're only 10 years old. What do you know?” I might be 10, but during my time here, the tragedies and horror I've experienced on this website have shaped me into someone more mature, able to share this wisdom. And if you're gonna laugh at me, spit in the face of me and my generous teachings, you will fall. I swear to God, I will make you wish you could never feel pain. But that would hurt me more than you. Please, stop the drama. That's all I ask. Together, we can make this website great again, like it once was.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise? Cross fit.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.
you.
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.