it's jokes
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What is the oldest animal in the world?
A zebra—it is black and white.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation? A period. Why? Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
You wanna know why the Titanic was split in half? The iceberg hit it from the front and back.
Did you hear the one about the hills?
It was hillarious.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.