it's jokes
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and on their land.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?
Because he wanted it to smell good.
Uranus spins on its side.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.